How often do you cry?

Tears

I was lying in bed yesterday and remembered the time I sent someone a video of a testimony I was sharing and I was left on grey ticks for over 8 months. In fact I never found out if the person ever watched it. I cringed so hard and wanted to go back in time and unsend that particular message. Today I recalled letters and how it was easier to tell yourself, ‘it got lost in the mail’ if you never received a response. It spared our feelings back then but nowadays you sort of know it instantly. The lack of response and the silence. Sometimes even writing feels like you are talking to an audience you can’t see and that one guy in the back gives you a thumbs up or sometimes he doesn’t show up and you have to go on anyway. Sometimes I just write because I tend to forget if I don’t put it in writing.

Photo by DS stories: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-of-two-envelopes-5040819/

Funny thing is if you love communicating and consistently show up, you will eventually find your people. People who are similar to you in responding and sometimes even faster. I remember going for an event recently where everyone just cried when they were filled with joy. They were all distant relatives and it felt like sharing in a communal thing of vulnerability and openness. I grew up with closed, cold and very inexpressive environment where if your voice broke or you got emotional people would look away and act embarrassed and here were generations spanning maybe 4 or 5, that is to mean there was a great-great grandmother/grandchildren who teared up in joy and it was the most normal thing. It felt wonderful and I could not help but feel a little envious wondering how much time would have been saved trying to prevent the show of emotions freely and growing without hearing, ‘you’re too emotional’ or ‘why can’t you be strong?’ because tears are not an indicator of weakness or being ‘too emotional’.

That time is past and can never be recovered and now I try to raise my daughter better albeit in the same environment that was so hard on me. One time, we were walking somewhere and I had to just have a good cry before I could go on. I ushered her to some seats, and tears were just flowing freely. I assured her I was alright because either of two things was happening: My tear ducts were full and they had to be emptied so new tears could have space and second was like a philosophy of sorts, imagine if God did not make tears readily, every time we needed to cry, we would make a face and someone would ask, What are you doing? and you’d say, I am waiting for my tears to form so I can cry. Instead, God made each of us with tears so we could cry tears of joy and tears from the hurt or even tears from laughter, all of which were designed to happen.

If you need to have a cry today, just go ahead, everything was already made by God to function as it does, don’t be ashamed and you’ll probably feel better afterwards. People need to cry more.